Welcome 2009 =]

2008 wasn't that bad.

won a few, lost a few...

cant complain

but i am very happy about 2009

my new years resolutions:

1. dont sweat the small stuff

2. take more risks

3. be a better friend

4. volunteer A LOT

5. focus on school COMPLETELY

6. get healthy

7. read more

8. keep the shit talking to a minimum (sorry i am human)

9. buy a puppy

10. pay off (most) of my best buy credit

11. go to new york (in the winter)

12. take a massive road trip

13. start writing (a little everyday)

14. save up to move out

15. allow ZERO negativity

i might add as the months pass

but it sounds pretty solid

and im really really serious about sticking to it.

<3

ive never found anything more perfect

to describe how i feel.

and basically how this part of my life is.

"i would like to thank you for showing me

a part of myself that i have never seen

yeah we were young and dumb but it still was fun

and i guess these things just tend to fall apart

and i hope you feel the same....

i hope you never forget the tapping at your window

with the harsh cold and the jealousy 

running through my bones 

we were both selfish but i think i was more....

you seem like such a big part 

of my life and my heart

(this i changed a little..to be more accurate)

but the truth is youve found someone new"

-the spill canvas 

3685

=D

im sick of writing sad pathetic blogs

and im really sick of reading about lost love

the way i look at it...now.

fuck it.

whats meant to be will be

and these last two days have been amazing

like yeah 

i may have lost a few friends

but ive gained something better

MORE SELF RESPECT

i respect myself waaaay more now

that i will never ever let someone treat me bad

or my friends and family bad

and everyone thats part of my life now

amazes me everyday

and i couldnt ask for anything better

oh and i cant wait to go to SANTA CRUZ

in about 3 weeks.

::crosses fingers::

<3

so 

these past few days 

i realized a very IMPORTANT thing.

i realized i wasted TOO much emotion on you

and had WAAAAY to many sleepless nights

but now i feel a comfort in knowing 

thats probably how you feel now

i hope one day you realize

you lost a good thing

and i hope when youre sneaking around with her

you know shes sneaking around with some one else

its funny how you think that she will one day love you 

like you love her.

(just a hint: dont hold your breath)

but hey...i sleep better already knowing shes fucking you over

every single day.

i never wish bad on anyone.

but something tells me you deserve it

youve played your game for far too long now

and im finally over it

THANK GOD

moving on has never felt so AMAZING

suddenly inspired

i continue to hate myself 

for caring

i hate how i hear your voice 

whenever i receive a txt

about once a month

if im lucky

i hate how no matter how many times

i see pictures of you and her

i can never get used to it

i hate how much i hate myself

and hate blaming you

but it seems like the only logical explanation

i hate putting on a fake smile

whenever you speak her name

because i sooo deeply want to be happy for you

i hate how i continue to have dreams

dreams that you leave her for me

i hate that i STILL have hope

hope that maybe you will come to your senses

and want me back

but what i hate even more

is that although i claim to be strong enough

i wont be strong enough to tell you no.

my heart refuses to be strong enough

strong enough to hurt you

like youve hurt me

i hate you for being so happy 

i hate you for leaving me

i hate you for ignoring me

i hate you for not realizing

i hate you for not making time

i hate you for changing

i hate you for being who ive always wanted you to be 

i hate you for bringing her around your family 

i hate you for not calling to say hi

i hate you for breaking your promise

i hate you for allowing me to make promises

i hate you for "loving" her

and i hate you for not giving me a good enough reason to TRULY hate you

and the worse part is

ill never hate you 

as much as i hate myself

i cant wait

for dianas birthday 

were gonna head out to west hollywood and gonna get our nails did

help me pick how i should do them

you can never go wrong with anchors

these look super glam

and who doesnt wanna be GLAMOROUS

these one just make me smile!

simple but not too simple

just adorable

sooooo what should i do?

top 10 most gorgeous

this may not be the most enlightening

or deep blog

but it was fun and entertaining

so enjoy.

10. johnny depp

never loses his hottness

9. travis mcCoy

dope style...and adorable

8. chris carrabba

with lyrics like that,an amazing voice and those looks!

he had to make the list 

7. tom delonge

the love of my life since i was like 10

6. ashton kutcher

funny=sexy

5. the gossip girl boys

its impossible to pick just one

4. zac efron

speechless.

3. shia laboeuf 

the best bad boy

2. justin timberlake

duh.

1. john mayer!!

this is MY top 10

need i say more?

wellllll

i hope you enjoyed this

and let me know your top 10

wooo

its quite sad

when you revolve your life around a book!

im reading once is not enough

(as if you cant tell by the picture)

and i cant put it down!!

i love reading about tragic lives of the rich and f

amous

especially when it takes place in the 50s and 60s 

everything was so glamorous

and i seem to spend every week at borders

i guess its better than spending time and money 

on drugs and gangs right?

anyway

she also wrote valley of the dolls

which i encourage EVERYONE to read

such a good book

annnnd

i saw nick and norah this passed weekend

and it was amazingly cute

diana and i agreed

we were gonna go home and cry our eyes out

but it was adorable

and cuz im a nerd

i found out its a book

guess its next on the list!!

<3

Lately...

i havent been myself.

i dont know what i want anymore

and i feel stuck.

i hate this town

i hate school

and i hate how things are now

at one point i thought i did the right thing

and i try everything to make myself happy

but ive lost

i cant think..

im like a walking fucking zombie.

dee says i need to fight my own demons..

but i dont know where to begin 

=[

grrr

it frustrates me when i sit here

and convince myself i know what i want

and i dont.

i would loooovvee to be a photographer

especially when i see work like this

but then i feel like im out of my league.

and i worry it will be too hard

but whenever i convince myself

i want to do something else

i always go back to photography

and fashion

ahhhh

weeeeiiirrrddd

so i had this crazy dream while i was taking a nap today 

 i was at my grandmas house 

and i went to spit something out

and a tooth came out

i went back and was screaming 

and my teeth began to crumble.

my grandma told me 

it means someone i know is going to die

and that freaked me out.

but this is what a dream analysis said

and it makes a lot of sense

"teeth are used to bite, tear, chew and gnaw. In this regard, 

teeth represent power. and the loss of teeth in your dream 

may be from a sense of powerlessness. Are you lacking power

in some current situation? Perhaps you are having difficulties

expressing yourself or getting you point across. You may feel 

frustrated when your voice is not being heard. You may be 

experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence

in some situation or relationship in your life. This dream is an 

indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the 

value of  your own opinion."

i found it to be super true

and very interesting.

you know youre fat whennnn...

so my friend and i were talking 

as we were leaving the coldstones..

(yes we were getting coldstones)

and we thought we should make a list

so this list is called...

you know your fat when..

1. youre out of breath when walking from getting ice cream to the car.

2. you find a restaurant on your way to the gym, and decide you would get a better work out there.

3. when you ask for extra cheese on everything. 

4. your midnight snack consist of a jacks sampler trio.

5. when you do finally make your way to the gym, you stop at your closest mcdonalds AND supersize the meal.

6. when you hear "you have such a pretty face!"

7. when a fry daddy becomes your best friend.

8. when the waitress at dennys knows you by your first name

9. you cant eat a meal without french fries.

10. atleast one of your kitchen drawers is full of restaurant menus.

sooooooooo

i hope you found this slightly amusing...

it made me laugh.

peace.

EVERYTHING happens for a reason?

ever since i have been studying buddhism

and attempting to take all their teachings into my everyday life

i have been a happier and more well put together person

i have learned that as long as you do right

and you live life the way you want it to be lived

you will be completely fine.

although i admit i slip up every once in awhile

i come home, meditate, and move on.

not everything in your life will be a bed of roses,

but what you do when things go wrong, will determine your happiness.