Lately...

i havent been myself.

i dont know what i want anymore

and i feel stuck.

i hate this town

i hate school

and i hate how things are now

at one point i thought i did the right thing

and i try everything to make myself happy

but ive lost

i cant think..

im like a walking fucking zombie.

dee says i need to fight my own demons..

but i dont know where to begin 

=[

grrr

it frustrates me when i sit here

and convince myself i know what i want

and i dont.

i would loooovvee to be a photographer

especially when i see work like this

but then i feel like im out of my league.

and i worry it will be too hard

but whenever i convince myself

i want to do something else

i always go back to photography

and fashion

ahhhh

weeeeiiirrrddd

so i had this crazy dream while i was taking a nap today 

 i was at my grandmas house 

and i went to spit something out

and a tooth came out

i went back and was screaming 

and my teeth began to crumble.

my grandma told me 

it means someone i know is going to die

and that freaked me out.

but this is what a dream analysis said

and it makes a lot of sense

"teeth are used to bite, tear, chew and gnaw. In this regard, 

teeth represent power. and the loss of teeth in your dream 

may be from a sense of powerlessness. Are you lacking power

in some current situation? Perhaps you are having difficulties

expressing yourself or getting you point across. You may feel 

frustrated when your voice is not being heard. You may be 

experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence

in some situation or relationship in your life. This dream is an 

indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the 

value of  your own opinion."

i found it to be super true

and very interesting.

you know youre fat whennnn...

so my friend and i were talking 

as we were leaving the coldstones..

(yes we were getting coldstones)

and we thought we should make a list

so this list is called...

you know your fat when..

1. youre out of breath when walking from getting ice cream to the car.

2. you find a restaurant on your way to the gym, and decide you would get a better work out there.

3. when you ask for extra cheese on everything. 

4. your midnight snack consist of a jacks sampler trio.

5. when you do finally make your way to the gym, you stop at your closest mcdonalds AND supersize the meal.

6. when you hear "you have such a pretty face!"

7. when a fry daddy becomes your best friend.

8. when the waitress at dennys knows you by your first name

9. you cant eat a meal without french fries.

10. atleast one of your kitchen drawers is full of restaurant menus.

sooooooooo

i hope you found this slightly amusing...

it made me laugh.

peace.

EVERYTHING happens for a reason?

ever since i have been studying buddhism

and attempting to take all their teachings into my everyday life

i have been a happier and more well put together person

i have learned that as long as you do right

and you live life the way you want it to be lived

you will be completely fine.

although i admit i slip up every once in awhile

i come home, meditate, and move on.

not everything in your life will be a bed of roses,

but what you do when things go wrong, will determine your happiness.