Welcome 2009 =]

2008 wasn't that bad.

won a few, lost a few...

cant complain

but i am very happy about 2009

my new years resolutions:

1. dont sweat the small stuff

2. take more risks

3. be a better friend

4. volunteer A LOT

5. focus on school COMPLETELY

6. get healthy

7. read more

8. keep the shit talking to a minimum (sorry i am human)

9. buy a puppy

10. pay off (most) of my best buy credit

11. go to new york (in the winter)

12. take a massive road trip

13. start writing (a little everyday)

14. save up to move out

15. allow ZERO negativity

i might add as the months pass

but it sounds pretty solid

and im really really serious about sticking to it.

<3

ive never found anything more perfect

to describe how i feel.

and basically how this part of my life is.

"i would like to thank you for showing me

a part of myself that i have never seen

yeah we were young and dumb but it still was fun

and i guess these things just tend to fall apart

and i hope you feel the same....

i hope you never forget the tapping at your window

with the harsh cold and the jealousy 

running through my bones 

we were both selfish but i think i was more....

you seem like such a big part 

of my life and my heart

(this i changed a little..to be more accurate)

but the truth is youve found someone new"

-the spill canvas 

3685

=D

im sick of writing sad pathetic blogs

and im really sick of reading about lost love

the way i look at it...now.

fuck it.

whats meant to be will be

and these last two days have been amazing

like yeah 

i may have lost a few friends

but ive gained something better

MORE SELF RESPECT

i respect myself waaaay more now

that i will never ever let someone treat me bad

or my friends and family bad

and everyone thats part of my life now

amazes me everyday

and i couldnt ask for anything better

oh and i cant wait to go to SANTA CRUZ

in about 3 weeks.

::crosses fingers::

<3

so 

these past few days 

i realized a very IMPORTANT thing.

i realized i wasted TOO much emotion on you

and had WAAAAY to many sleepless nights

but now i feel a comfort in knowing 

thats probably how you feel now

i hope one day you realize

you lost a good thing

and i hope when youre sneaking around with her

you know shes sneaking around with some one else

its funny how you think that she will one day love you 

like you love her.

(just a hint: dont hold your breath)

but hey...i sleep better already knowing shes fucking you over

every single day.

i never wish bad on anyone.

but something tells me you deserve it

youve played your game for far too long now

and im finally over it

THANK GOD

moving on has never felt so AMAZING

suddenly inspired

i continue to hate myself 

for caring

i hate how i hear your voice 

whenever i receive a txt

about once a month

if im lucky

i hate how no matter how many times

i see pictures of you and her

i can never get used to it

i hate how much i hate myself

and hate blaming you

but it seems like the only logical explanation

i hate putting on a fake smile

whenever you speak her name

because i sooo deeply want to be happy for you

i hate how i continue to have dreams

dreams that you leave her for me

i hate that i STILL have hope

hope that maybe you will come to your senses

and want me back

but what i hate even more

is that although i claim to be strong enough

i wont be strong enough to tell you no.

my heart refuses to be strong enough

strong enough to hurt you

like youve hurt me

i hate you for being so happy 

i hate you for leaving me

i hate you for ignoring me

i hate you for not realizing

i hate you for not making time

i hate you for changing

i hate you for being who ive always wanted you to be 

i hate you for bringing her around your family 

i hate you for not calling to say hi

i hate you for breaking your promise

i hate you for allowing me to make promises

i hate you for "loving" her

and i hate you for not giving me a good enough reason to TRULY hate you

and the worse part is

ill never hate you 

as much as i hate myself